We are not defined by our birth or by our experiences. We are defined by God’s word and were created to display His grace and mercy. Still, the life we are born into, and the circumstances of our life can and do impact what we believe about ourselves. Life can offer expectations of success, love, a future; or can convince us otherwise.

I began life unwanted and unloved. A mother who did not want me, and a disconnected, distant father became the perfect storm to set my life on a path of pain and trouble. I was told I was a mistake and I believed I was damaged… So, I lived ashamed, discouraged, and broken.

My mother was a deeply wounded person, who had herself been broken. A mental illness marked her and became the catalyst for the abuse she inflicted on everyone around her. It regularly poured out onto all three of her children in twisted and dark ways – but I was her biggest target. The abuse I received changed me. I internalized every terrible word she said and carried the pain of every beating she gave. It cast a shadow over who I believed I was and followed me for a good portion of my life.

The identity God created me with had been altered. It changed what I believed about my value and worth as a person, so I spent a good part of my life filtering every experience and circumstance through that brokenness.

Maybe you can relate.

Perhaps the wounds of your broken past are woven through your life today. They could be masterfully hidden beneath a successful, well-planned life. Or, maybe there’s a trail of chaos, hurt, and pain that follows you everywhere you go. Living in brokenness is a hard way to exist, and not at all aligned with God’s plan for our lives.

Many times, we think we’re capable of hiding our brokenness. We think no one sees, through the masks we wear. But, I bet if we asked the people around us, they’d say we’re not concealing it as well as we think. The thing is, as much as we believe we can outrun our pasts, we cannot – at least on our own. Eventually, we will always come face to face with the pain and hurt.

I know what it feels like because I was stuck in that place for a very long time. I wanted a different life but had no idea if – or even how – it could be different. Living that way was not God’s plan for me – and it’s not his plan for you.

My healing came through finding out who I am in HIM, and knowing that became the balm that healed the broken child inside me. It changed how I saw myself, and everyone around me.

For me, it all started with a challenge to read a list of scriptures showing what God thinks of us. I was to read at least one verse every day – so I did. At first, nothing changed. Honestly, I didn’t believe the process was going to work. Yet, I continued. Day after day. Week after week. It took a while, but eventually, something shifted! The words I read started to sink in, and I began to believe what I read. The Bible promises (Isaiah 55:11) that his word will accomplish what he intends, and he intends for us to be whole. Looking back now I understand that God’s word is transformative; if you read it, it will change you.

Here’s what I found out…

1. The scriptures told me that you and I belong to a savior who calls us beautiful (Psalm 45:11) and describes us as a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:20). He says we are clothed in dignity and strength (Proverbs 31:25). He says we’re more precious than rubies (Psalm 3:15).
2. God uniquely created you and I. Jeremiah 1:5 says that even before we were formed in our mother’s womb, He knew us and set us apart. We were not happenstance or an afterthought. We were well planned and loved before we came to be.
3. Our identities have been mindfully fashioned. Ephesians 2:10 says we were created with a purpose which God prepared in advance. That means He not only knew us; He knew who we would be. Every part of who we are was intentional.
4. We’re His masterpiece. The same God that created the earth, the sun, the ocean, and stars, fashioned you and me. Psalm 1:16 says “the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” So, every beautiful sunset and sparkling, starry night is His handiwork – including us! Zephaniah 3:17 says He’s with us and rejoices over us with gladness. Deuteronomy 7:9 says He keeps his promises. Ephesians 2:4,5 says He loves us even when we fail. And, Romans 8:38 says He’ll never leave us.

Knowing who I am in God changed my life and friends, it can change for you too. The challenge is yours. Here are some ways to get God’s word into your life:

• Get an easy to read version of Bible – and read it!
• Download a Bible app. Many have a scripture a day feature.
• Find and follow good Christian authors (like Tony!)
• Do an internet search for “what does the Bible say about….”

Friends, I encourage you to try it. It changed everything about my life and was the key to finding hope for a different life. I am convinced it can do the same for you. And if you’re wondering about my parents and the abuse, and how that all factors into this story, you’ll want to read my upcoming book. The title – “Beautiful Ashes” – comes from Isaiah 61:3 which is my life verse. That beautiful promise says, “He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, blessing instead of mourning, praise instead of despair.“

For a long time, I could not reconcile that scripture with what happened during my early life. No, friends, it took years to make peace with that verse. But, has now grown into the story of God’s redeeming love, and it’s the story in my book.

Despite what you may believe today, good can come from the hard things in your life. God restores to completeness. He doesn’t just patch us up, He returns us to wholeness
So, will you join me on this journey? I look forward to sharing my book with you in October! You can sign up to be notified when it releases HERE. Also, you can also find me at mybeautifulashes.com, and I’d be honored to speak at your next event.

Shelley is an author, speaker, and mentor who uses her life experiences to help women identify and pursue their God-given purpose and identity. She has a passion for women–especially those broken and held captive by difficult past experiences. After years of struggling with a painful history of sexual, verbal, and physical abuse, she found healing through faith. The insights gained through her restoration journey, along with her passion for helping other women find freedom, have become the foundation for her writing and ministry.

Follow Shelly: shellfurtado